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British and proud!
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The Wrong Side of the Law

I was driving down the M1 in mid January ( going a little faster than I should ). I passed under a bridge only to see a police officer on the other side with a radar-gun. He pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronising smirk asked "Runway too short?"

To which I replied "I'm late for an appointment ".

" So, what do you do for a living?" he enquired.

" I'm a Rectum-stretcher ".




" What the hell does a Rectum-stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, " I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four. Then my whole hand in, working it side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch the opening until its about 6 feet".

Questioningly and cautiously the officer asked " And just what do you do with a six foot a***hole?"

" You give him a radar gun and get him to park behind a bridge ".

Speeding ticket £100; Court costs £45. Look on Copper's face: Priceless.
 
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