Clarkson mentions that if you ran over a mouse you'd know the sex!
This is what Clarkson says about the VII!
THIS week, I read about a girl who had changed her name by deed poll to Miss Subaru Impreza.
So, we must be talking here about a serious petrolhead loony.
The kind of woman who would boil your rabbit rather than give up her car keys. Er ... no. Apparently she doesn’t have a driving licence.
But of course we knew that. Because anyone who knows anything about cars would have called themselves Miss Mitsubishi Evo.
Subaru has won the world rally championship once. Mitsubishi has won it four times.
The Mitsubishi is much faster on a track too. Only on the road does the more comfortable Subaru score any points at all.
And if you’re after the ultimate thrill, who cares about comfort? Well me for one.
I’ve just spent a week with the new Mitsubishi Evo VII and it was, without any doubt, one of the most extraordinary cars I’ve ever had the pleasure of strapping to my back.
Even the buying process is odd. You can either import one as a grey import from Japan — over there they have a serious stripped out racer called the RS — or you can buy one from a Mitsubishi dealer in Britain.
If you do that, the car you’ll get conforms to all the EU regulations on noise and emissions.
But, and this where things get tricky, what I suggest you do is buy the car for £29,995 and then for another £2,000 get Mitsubishi to take all the wishy-washy nonsense off to create a model they call the FQ 300.
I know that the Q stands for quick. I’ll leave it up to you to decide what the F might stand for.
Every single thing on it is designed to make it go a little bit faster. The turbocharger is made from titanium for lightness. The rocker covers in the engine are made from magnesium.
The exhaust is virtually straight to eliminate back pressure. Various trim panels are made from kevlar.
So, in a straight line, this 2-litre, four-door saloon, costing just £32,000, will keep up with just about anything.
But when you get to a corner, you can wave goodbye to Freddie Ferrari and Larry Lambo. In addition to four-wheel drive, you have active yaw control and an active centre differential.
All you have to do is tell the on-board computer what sort of surface you’re on — Tarmac, snow or gravel.
This isn’t a car. It’s a Gran Turismo game made real.
Except for one small detail. When you’re driving a Sony PlayStation, you tend to be sitting in an armchair, so you’re nice ’n’ comfy.
However, when you’re in the real thing, you’re not.
The Evo VII is so firm and so unforgiving that if you were to run over a small mouse, you would know what sex it was.
A slightly raised manhole cover has the same effect on your spine as a landmine.
And the only way to get an Evo VII over a speed bump is to get out and push.
If you take your car to track days, none of this will matter. You can blast round safe in the knowledge that you’ll have just about the fastest car out there.
But for everyday use, it would wear you down and break your back. Call me old if you like, but I’m with Miss Impreza on this one.
I’d take the Subaru instead. Nancy