And then the fight started…

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels. She
asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

******************************************

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire” while we were
in bed.. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to
have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying,
“Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up
the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage,
turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all
day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
back into
bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a
different anticipation,
and whispered, “The weather out there is
terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe
my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know
how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem
funny? Yeah,
well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
“I AM NOT HAPPY
!!!”

So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which
one are you?”

And then the fight started…..

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
150 in about 3
seconds.’

I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace
expensive…
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my
driver’s license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but
I would have
to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened
my shirt revealing my
curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your
chest is proof
enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security
application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You
might have gotten
disability, too.’

And then the fight started….

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
sat alone at a
nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and
I hear she
hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a
person could go on
celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my
order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare,
please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad
cow?”"
Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband, ‘I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near
perfect.’

And then the fight started…